Dirty Little Secret
by DirectionallyChallenged
Summary: In which Finn is observant, Puck has a bad idea, and Kurt discovers Blaine's dirty little secret. One-shot.


He'd never noticed it before, which was mildly embarrassing considering Kurt spent most of his time staring at his boyfriend when he wasn't required to be looking at anything else. But what really made Kurt irritated, beyond the fact that Kurt hadn't noticed, was the fact that Finn did. His normally hopelessly out-of-touch step-brother was the one who had seen it.

"So you've really never noticed?" Finn wondered as they walked out to the parking lot, heading for Kurt's Navigator.

"No, of course not. God, Finn. You act like it's something out of the ordinary. Blaine is right handed. It's natural for his right arm to be a little more defined. Why do you even care, anyway?" Kurt paused, and then continued. "And why were you staring at my boyfriend's arms?"

Finn shoved his hands into the pockets on his letterman jacket and stared at the ground as they passed the tennis courts. The tips of his ears were pink and Kurt knew he was hiding something. Finn never was a good liar.

"Just tell me already!" Kurt snapped, hitting the button on his key fob to unlock his vehicle.

"Well, it's not just his arm. I mean, it is just his arm, but only a certain part of it. The lower part, you know, between the wrist and the elbow?"

Kurt sighed heavily and tossed his bag into the backseat. "The forearm, Finn?"

"Yeah, that. It's just that part."

Finn's speech was quickly degrading into mumbling. Kurt slid into the driver's seat as Finn collapsed into the passenger side. He continued the conversation only after he'd maneuvered the beast through the narrow lanes of the lot and out onto the street.

"So what's wrong with having one forearm stronger than the other?"

Finn's eyes were fixated on something out the window and his hands were fidgeting in his pockets. "Well, he's a teenage guy…and he's got a boyfriend…and I'm sure he sometimes feels – well, you know – urges… "

Finn's voice trailed off as Kurt approached a stop sign. What the hell did being a guy and having a boyfriend have to do with – click. The tumblers fell into place.

"Kurt! There's a –"

Kurt's foot came down violently on the brake pedal, sending the two boys flying forward into their seatbelts, and causing the Navigator's tires to squeal a bit at the sudden stop. They both were wretched backwards, and Kurt's head whipped sideways to give Finn a look between horror and fury.

Neither boy said a word for a moment. Finally Finn broke the silence. "Kurt?"

The floodgates opened. "Oh my God, Finn! You can't be serious! You think that Blaine has a problem with – " Kurt's voice caught in his throat – he couldn't bring himself to say the word – and he waved his hand emphatically, sure that Finn would get the idea.

Finn's broad shoulders rose and fell under his jacket and he stared at the ground. "I don't know, maybe. It's awfully strange. I told Puck about it after gym and he said –"

"Oh my God, Finn! You told Puck! Now the whole school is going to think that Blaine has a problem with –" Kurt's voice rose sharply on his boyfriend's name and he waved his hand again.

"I'm sorry!" Finn said, finally looking up at his step-brother, whose face now held an expression similar to the one he wore when forced into the Wal-mart clothing section. "I didn't think it was a big deal until Puck told me about how when he was fourteen he had a problem with –"

"Oh my God, Finn!"

" – and his arm was bigger than the other, and that's when he got into working out because then nobody could tell that he went home and spent so much time – "

"Finn!"

Kurt was bordering on hyperventilation now, scrambling to take a breath. He felt like he couldn't get enough oxygen to his brain and his chest wouldn't expand far enough and his lungs were suddenly inadequate –

A series of honks seemed to bring Kurt back around. They were still sitting at the stop sign, but a line of cars had gathered behind them. Kurt released his white knuckled grip on the wheel, flexed his fingers a couple times to bring back the circulation, and then checked the intersection before pulling forward.

"Have you noticed anything strange about Blaine? Like he acts odd sometimes or has a secret or something?"

Kurt wracked his brain as he turned into their neighborhood. Now that Finn mentioned it, Blaine did seem to have some very strange habits. He rarely let Kurt touch his phone, but Kurt had chalked that up to protectiveness. It was the newest version of the iPhone and Kurt knew that if he had it, he wouldn't want anyone messing with it either. But when they were doing homework together, Blaine always had his computer screen pointed away from where Kurt could see it – which wouldn't have been weird, except that Blaine always seemed to close out of whatever he was looking at if Kurt even passed by on his way to the bathroom. He was jumpy sometimes, checking his phone intermittently, as though expecting an important call, and when Kurt asked to hang out sometimes, whether during the week or on the weekends, Blaine sometimes said he was busy, with little explanation as to what he would be doing. That wouldn't be out of the ordinary either, except Blaine always told Kurt what he was doing if he couldn't hang out.

Oh heaven help him. Blaine was a porn addict too. That had to be it. If he was – Kurt waved a hand mentally – then it made sense that he was looking at stuff like that. And that's why he wouldn't want Kurt to see it. He was ashamed of it.

"Oh my God, Finn," Kurt breathed as he shoved his SUV into park. "Oh my –"

"Kurt, if you say 'oh my God, Finn' one more time, I might have to help with your next dumpster toss."

Kurt didn't answer, just slid numbly from his vehicle, collected his bag, and headed inside, thoughts whirling. There had to be another explanation. Blaine couldn't be a porn and –mental hand wave – addict. He was so charming, and good-looking, and respectful, and perfect. Maybe too perfect, the voice in the back of his head muttered. Oh God. What was he going to do? Kurt had to do something, he couldn't just wait for Blaine to tell him because Blaine might never tell him and it could ruin their relationship.

Kurt made a decision as he hung his own Marc Jacobs coat in his closet. He would talk to Blaine tomorrow before school. He loved Blaine and Blaine loved him, they'd been through a lot, and no matter how bad things looked, Kurt knew they could get through anything.

Kurt showed up at school a little earlier than normal the next day. He was wound tighter than Blaine's curls and he was wired on four cups of coffee. The sandman had not visited Kurt last night. Instead, all he got was a sleepless night and the feeling that someone had poured concrete into his stomach.

He danced in place in front of Blaine's locker as he watched the students start trickling in. It was a quarter to eight, so he knew Blaine would be arriving any minute. Sure enough, a couple hands slid around his face from behind, covering his eyes, as the voice attached to the hands asked, "guess who?"

Kurt shrugged away and turned to face his boyfriend. Blaine looked worried.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"I should be asking you," Kurt snapped. He winced. "I'm sorry, it's just that, I – well, I found out that – um…"

Blaine's brow furrowed and he took a step closer to Kurt. "Kurt?"

Kurt took a deep breath and straightened up, looking Blaine in the eye. "Blaine," he said slowly, articulately, "I know."

"You know what?" Blaine wondered, his head cocked to the right a bit and his hazel eyes wide.

He was so cute when he did that. Kurt mentally shook himself back into the present.

"I know what you've been hiding from me."

Time seemed to freeze. Blaine's expression froze for several moments before he opened his mouth slowly.

"I just want you to know that –"

"Kurt! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't tell you!"

Blaine was babbling, throwing his arms around his boyfriend, who was standing stiffly in place, his own arms at his side and pinned by Blaine's.

"It's just – I've always loved it, you know? It's just been something that I kind of grew up with. I started doing it when I was twelve and it was addicting and it gives me the greatest rush when I do it well and –"

Kurt managed to extract himself from Blaine's arms. "Doesn't this worry you?" he demanded. "It's a serious issue!"

"I know, I know… It was just so embarrassing, and I didn't think you'd understand, and it's not like I have much time to do it anymore. I did it all the time at Dalton, but now I'm just so busy… But I'm looking for a place to do it here. After all, it's not like you can just do it in the street – that would be awkward for everyone involved and then –" Blaine broke off, shaking his head. "I guess if you wanted to make it more of a spectator sport, then doing it in public might be the way to go, but could you imagine the pressure? Trying to perform like that and not being able to because there were people staring at you and –" Blaine's train of though took another sharp turn as he looked up at Kurt again through his eyelashes.

"I'm so sorry," he continued quietly. "I didn't think it was that big of deal. I should have told you…"

Kurt couldn't answer. In fact, Kurt couldn't do anything. He was rooted to the spot, unable to move, his thoughts swirling like a tornado in his brain, wondering how Blaine could possibly be talking about it like it was nothing…

"Kurt? You look like you're going to be sick. Or like you've been forced to buy Walmart clothes."

"B-Blaine," he finally managed. "W-what are you talking about? How can you be so easy-going about this?" Kurt's speech was finally coming back, and as it did, it got faster and faster, and higher and higher. "This is a big deal! You should have told me sooner! We could have gotten you help or something, or let you talk to someone, or –"

Kurt stopped suddenly at the look on Blaine's face. His boyfriend looked like he was trying to solve a chemistry equation. "I didn't think that bowling would be that big of a deal, Kurt."

Now it was Kurt's turn to wear the confused expression. "W-What?"

Blaine shrugged. "I didn't know my obsession with bowling was going to be that big of a deal. I mean, sure it's a little embarrassing, but I'm actually pretty good. I was on the bowling league at Dalton before I – "

Kurt was stuck on one word. "B-Bowling?"

"Um, yeah? What did you think I was talking about?"

Kurt's mouth opened and closed a couple times in an excellent impression of a guppy before a flood of relief washed over him. "Oh," he sighed. "I – " Kurt shook his head. "Nothing, I shouldn't have listened to Finn and Puck. They're idiots."

"I agree, but what were they saying?"

Kurt sighed and leaned against the lockers. "Finn noticed that your right forearm is more defined than your left, and then he mentioned it to Puck, and suddenly – "

A sharp whistle cut through Kurt's explanation as a group of letterman jacket Neanderthals wove their way through the crowd. "Hey lady boys! What are you doing tonight? Facials? Manicures? How about –"

The insulting football jock made a crude motion with his hand in front of his crotch. The others trailing after him laughed and as they continued down the hallway.

Blaine turned his gaze back to Kurt. "So what were you – " Click. The tumblers fell into place in Blaine's head too.

"Oh my God, Kurt!"

Kurt's face flamed with embarrassment and he was sure that it was so hot he was moving from 'dear-God-kill-me-now' straight towards 'spontaneous-human-combustion' temperatures.

"You actually thought that I had a problem with –" his voice dropped to just above a whisper, "masturbation?"

Yeah, Kurt was definitely reaching combustion temperatures. He wanted to melt into the walls, into the floor…hell, even a slushy facial would be better than facing the disbelieving look on his boyfriend's face. Kurt shrugged apologetically.

Blaine studied him for just a couple seconds before a huge grin spread across his face.

"Oh my God, Kurt!" he said again, this time more cheerfully and less shockingly. "I can't believe that you thought – " He chuckled as he shook his head. "That's crazy."

Blaine glanced at his watch as Kurt once again imitated a fish.

"Come on, class starts in a couple minutes and we have to get to the south wing."

Blaine opened his locker, gathered his things, and then took Kurt's hand.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked playfully, tugging on his hand, "Are you coming?"

"Uh, um, yeah, yeah… I just thought that you might – I don't know, be mad or –"

Blaine rolled his eyes and chuckled again. "Of course not! I'm glad to know that you do care about my well-being. What I'm curious to know though, is what made you jump to that conclusion? It couldn't just have been Puck's suggestion."

Kurt shrugged as they turned the corner. "I realized that you were secretive with your phone, and your computer, and you sometimes would tell me you were busy without telling me why…"

One side of Blaine's smile was higher than the other. "I keep track of professional bowlers with an app on my phone. I thought if you saw it, you'd call me out on it or delete it. And usually I'm looking up recent bowling competitions when we're doing homework so I'd have to close them in case you looked over my shoulder. And finally, those times I told you I was busy without an explanation? I was up at Dalton, bowling with my old team. I miss them sometimes…"

"Oh, right."

It all made sense. In fact, it made more sense than Puck's conjecture. And if Kurt really thought about it, there were several other ideas that might have made just as much sense. Kurt really needed to stop listening to his step-brother.

"So I'll see you after class?"

Kurt smiled at Blaine, a weightless feeling gathering in his chest. "Of course."

Blaine took a quick glance around the hallway and then dropped a quick kiss to Kurt's lips. "Later," her breathed.

Kurt watched Blaine head across the hall and then turned to enter his English room. English. Right. Where his step-brother and Puck sat in the back of the class and doodled crude stick figures of the ancient teacher. And now, where Kurt was going to murder them both. Hopefully Blaine knew the name of a good bail bondsman and Kurt could time his one phone call well enough to catch Blaine between classes. If not, he supposed sitting in prison for a while wouldn't be so bad compared to the trouble Finn and Puck had brought upon him.


End file.
